Episode 2 | My Application to Become the Pope

In this episode:
- My application to become the pope
- Donating my body to science
- World's (second) sperm race
- Backdoor Brilliance
- Painkillers are making the fish swim faster
- The robot rebellion

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Transcript

Harry: 0:00

Episode 2. I wanted to get this far. I didn't know if I was going to make it this far. Little achievement. It's a good sign. It's a good sign. Today we're going to be talking about my application to become the Pope, donating my body to science, winning a sperm race twice, backdoor brilliance, painkillers and making the fish swim faster, and the robot rebellion. You're listening to Let's Cancel Harry.

Intro Grandpa: 0:29

Let's Cancel Harry.

Harry: 0:30

So yeah, episode two of Let's Cancel Harry. Welcome back. If you're new here, thank you for joining us. This is a podcast where I'm diving into everything that I think about in my day-to-day life and just getting it out there. Sometimes some of the stuff I say or think, I can't. Well, not I can't. I just would get cancelled for saying it. So that's why I'm saying it here in a place where you're expecting that type of stuff to be said. Now, unfortunately... Last week, on Monday, or months or years, whenever you're listening to this, Pope Francis passed away. He was quite ill, and he sadly passed away, and his funeral was yesterday, when I'm filming this. I'm filming this on the Sunday, so the day before you're seeing it, and his funeral was yesterday. But yeah, there's been a whole lot of controversy, well, not necessarily controversy, a lot of connections around celebrities and the Pope that are starting now to come to light about his death and his life and a couple weird correlations and a couple correlations that they're not the first time this celebrity has been linked in with a death maybe it's probably the worst way of saying it maybe just controversy surrounding celebrities and really famous not celebrity figures now the first celebrity i want to talk about is jay schlatt he is a youtuber gamer he does these weird videos his fan base is unique to say the least i watched some of his stuff some of his videos are very very funny but his fan base is quite insane they are have shrines and room reviews and just random stuff about jay schlatt in their life that you probably don't need to have but jay schlatt when the queen passed away he posted a selfie on the way back he lives in the u.s and he posted a selfie on the way back From the UK. Going back home to the US. And he said. On my way home from the UK. I love that place. And then. Two hours after he posted that. The Queen passed. And now a similar thing happened. Earlier this year. In February. He was on Twitter. Or X. Whatever you want to say. And he posted. April will be an interesting month. For Pope Francis. And then. What happened in April? Pope Francis passes away. So. It's the first link between. A celebrity and. The Pope, which is just a weird coincidence. Weird coinkydink. And then the second one, a much more popular one, well-known one, is Mr. J.D. Vance. Turns out, J.D. in J.D. Vance stands for Just Killed Da Pope Vance. And Pope Francis very openly disliked MAGA, Trump, Vance, everything kind of around them. You know what? Let's just play the intro. But yes, J.D. Vance visited the Pope Easter Sunday. The Pope passed on Easter Monday. Maybe it's the second coming of Jesus Christ. Who knows? But yes, J.D. Vance visited the Pope. And then all of a sudden, the Pope passed away after seeing one of the people he very openly disliked. Now, the whole thing with J.D. and the Pope reminded me of during Trump's 2016 term when the Trump and the Pope were standing next to each other. And Trump just started, like, stroking J.D. pope francis's hand he had the biggest grin on his face the pope was standing there like oh what am i doing why am i here i don't like this man did not look happy at all and then trump started stroking the pope's hand and the pope just swatted him away get away get out of here not worth it this is an uncomfortable thing and it's made led me to think that if the pope hated trump that much maybe jd vance didn't kill the pope he just fully drained his will to live Fully. Because if you saw the please and thank you guy right before you died, I honestly think I... Yeah, I wouldn't make it. Especially in the condition that the Pope was in. Now, if you don't know what I'm talking about when I say please and thank you guy, there were all these images on Twitter, X, whatever you want to say, Instagram reels, TikTok, everywhere about these edited photos of JD Vance. And it was... People were slowly making him chubbier, giving him rosy red cheeks, this long hair. And then he ended up looking like those kids, that kid from Shrek, you know, the one with the lollipop and like the airplane propeller hat. That's what J.D. Vance ended up looking like. And I was like, oh, please. Thank you, Mr. Trump. I can't believe I just did that, but I did. And that is the same guy that saw the Pope on his last day alive. Interesting. Interesting. And then... JD posted on Twitter on Sunday saying his last words with the Pope was saying, I know you haven't been feeling great, but it's good to see you in better health. Ooh, spoke a little bit too soon there, buddy. Leading us to the whole thing of if that was a lie, what else? And then JD also broke like the number one rule in the Vatican, which is like, don't take pictures and videos. And they took lots of pictures and And lots of videos. And this isn't the only time JD's been somewhere during like a, not necessarily catastrophe. The Trump's, sorry, the Pope's death wasn't a catastrophe as such. Just very unfortunate, sad situation. But catastrophe wise, JD went to Myanmar and there was a massive earthquake. And then he visited the Pope obviously last week. And then the Pope dies almost immediately afterwards. And then a couple of days ago, he went to India and then nearly 30 people died in a terrorist attack. At least that's what I read. And if that's true, that's not a fabulous, not a fabulous lineup so far. And unfortunate to say the least. Now we've talked about Jay Schlatt, the YouTuber gamer. We've talked about JD Vance, political... an infamous political figure at the moment, but there's one more person, celebrity, related to this whole ongoing Pope situation that has really, really left field, let's say. Trisha Paytas. If you know her, if you've been on the internet recently or ever, you probably have accidentally stumbled on Trisha Paytas. Now, If you don't know who she is, Wikipedia says, Trisha Paytas is an American media personality. Her content consists of a wide variety of genres, including lifestyle-oriented vlogs, music videos, and mukbangs. As of July 2022, I know, very outdated statistics. Sorry, don't shoot me. She has accumulated roughly 5 million subscribers and almost 1 billion lifetime views on YouTube. So that's all well and good. You can see she's very popular. She's got a quite a number of accolades underneath her belt but then about three sentences after that this is still in the same wikipedia article in the wikipedia intro it says she has also been accused of targeting various specific groups including alternative music fans the emo community and the lgbt community so that just says one thing about trisha and it's she's a true internet celebrity she's had her scandal been there done that and she's Hey, a lot of people love her now. I can't complain. She's hilarious. A lot of her stuff is quite funny. Now, some iconic moments from Trisha. If you're still trying to work out who she is or why I'm talking about her so much. So, she's been a lot of places. She's lived a lot of lives. She's only like 37, I think. And she's done a lot of stuff. So, she's on America's Got Talent. and Ellen and the Guinness World Records show, all because she used to be able to talk insanely fast, like nonstop. Didn't win a Guinness World Record, but still insanely fast. She legally married a Brad Pitt cutout, like a cardboard cutout of Brad Pitt. In 2012, she went on My Strange Addiction and her addiction was tanning beds and she was a very orange person. in that video. She was in Eminem's We Made You music video. She was an extra on the sitcom Modern Family. Everyone knows it. She was on The Big Brother in UK and she chose pizza instead of having a chance at immunity. So iconic moment there. She said she liked Biden purely because he quoted Hamilton once. She said we don't need gravity. Absolute smash hit. Also relating to the Pope made The banging song, I Love You Jesus. She remade The Bet On It, which is a High School Musical 2 movie. It's a song from that. She remade the song and the music video and did a full Troy Bolton, who Zac Efron played in the movie, cosplay. And then she dated Jason Nash, who was a friend of David Dobrik, who was also a very controversial person. YouTuber at the moment. He's been involved in his fair share of schemes, should we say? Back when the queen passed away, about 2022, I think it was, Trisha was very, very, very heavily pregnant and she gave birth a week after. And as anyone would, she said that she reincarnated the queen. So love that. And the Pope has now passed away. And you'd never believe. You'd never guess. Who is pregnant again. That is right. Trisha Paytas is now reincarnating the Pope. Earlier this week. She was talking about it on her podcast. She was saying she was a bit confused. Because she was hearing all these rumors. And she was trending on Twitter. And she was popping up on Instagram. Where it was left, right and center. And she was saying that she's not sure why. This is popping up again. Why reincarnation. Um. And she was saying that she didn't know if she could carry that many souls. But then her co-host was chatting to her. And then by the end of the show, by the end of the podcast, it was a couple hour podcast. She was so okay with the concept of her baby being the reincarnated Pope. That she's seriously considering naming it either Pope or Francis. So they're just some of the craziest celebrities that are involved in the Pope's passing. Random people. Trisha Paytas, Jay Schlatt, J.D. Vance. A wide range, to say the least. But I'm not a celebrity. But I think I could become the next Pope. So if you didn't know, any baptized Catholic male can become Pope. Usually it's Cardinal. They've got the... What's the movie called? The one that... They've got the... The conclave. They've got the conclave. I had to Google that one. They've got the conclave going on at the moment. And all the cardinals choose who the next pope will be. So I reckon I could become a cardinal and become a pope within the next three to seven business days. And then if you don't think I should become pope or you don't know who I am and you're like, who's this random kid talking about becoming the pope? I'm going to tell you my first orders of business and you're going to tell me whether I would become a good Pope or not. So I solemnly swear that I will wear the funny hat and hold the golden stick at all times, no matter where I am, what I'm doing. I'm on the toilet. I'm holding the stick on the couch, holding the stick. And then I'm going to change the communal wine to cider just because I prefer it a little bit more and we can relate it. Give it some excuse about like Isaac Newton and like lead it to science. Why not? The apple fell from the tree and then made the cider that God created with the tree and the gravity. And so, yep. Communal wine will be changed into cider. And then one more thing. Well, not one more thing. I've got a couple more things. And then I'm going to turn all confessionals into monetized podcasts. Let's hear people and let's hear their opinions and hear their gospel. I think it could be... Become a seriously good podcast. I'm renaming hymns to become hers. And Lady Gaga is going to be in charge of rewriting all the songs because why not? And then the new slogan. I'm going to give the church a slogan. And the slogan will be, Sinners, I hardly know her. So that's just like a little breakdown of what I'm going to do. My first orders of business when I become Pope. But this is just in the first month what I'm going to do. Who knows? I could become Pope for like, what, 57 years, 58 years? I've got a couple years left in me. So let's do that. And one more thing, before I stop yapping about the Pope, is it turns out you can gamble on who will become the next Pope. You can put money down, which is pretty insane, but is that not a sin within itself? My years of Catholic education... I've done me well. I've remembered some stuff. I mean, I didn't really go to year 12 religion at all. And my teacher got very annoyed at me because I never handed up any of my assignments. But I think gambling's a sin. Now with all this talk about the Pope passing away and all the sad talk about death and his funeral was yesterday and they had a open casket funeral, which I hadn't seen one before. And I saw a video on TikTok and it was pretty scary because it looks like the Pope, but it's like Very... He's very grey. And like... Lifeless. Duh. But... It got me thinking about... What I was gonna do with my body after I die. Am I just gonna like... Get myself taxidermied and... Displayed? Like you know those like knights in shining armour? Like the... You see like the stands and they're just there. I think I should get myself turned into one. So someone's gonna walk into my castle. And they're gonna think that it's just a knight. It's just some armour. But my uh... taxidermied body is going to be inside. But then it got me properly thinking, I'm not going to get myself taxidermied. I can't afford that. If I could, I would. But in my 19 years of life, I've done a couple of things. And one of them is I studied physio for about six months. And in physio, one of the ways you learn the muscles in the body and how everything moves and how everything works is by actually seeing the muscles in the body. So we used to use cadavers, which are dead people who have donated their body to science. So I wonder, should I donate my body to science? And I was looking into it and I was like, oh, this is actually kind of interesting. It's for the good of humanity. It's for the good of the world. Like, finally, I'll be doing something good. And then I found out some of the weird things that donated bodies are used for. So, not anymore, but donated bodies used to be used for crash test dummies. Instead of having those high-tech ones with the sensors and everything going around them, they used to just chuck a dead body in a car and drive it into a wall just to see what would happen to it. Um, and they would use the cadavers. Yeah. Sorry, Harry. Grandma's been thrown in the car and she crashed into a wall. She, yeah. Two car crashes. Not fun. Um, another one is ballistics testing. So this is like testing body armor, protective gear, and just like blowing them up. So just seeing what happens to the bodies. Another one is decomposition farms. They would leave the bodies in different conditions, whether it's raining, dry, humid, and just see how the body decomposes. That one confused me probably the most until I realized it was about murders. It was about seeing how the bodies react to different climates and conditions so they can age and put a number on how long a body's been out if they find one in the wild. One of the other weird ones I found is Commercial products testing. So like any cosmetic or surgery or like hip replacements and stuff like that. One of the ways that they learn how to do them properly was through using it on cadavers and using it on dead people, which is weird. This led me down a rabbit hole because I was researching weird instances. Like I'd read this stuff. I'd read about the military ballistics testing or the crash test dummies, but I hadn't really like seen anything weird. like real articles, real news stories about stuff that was going on until I read about illegal body sales. And it turns out a couple of years ago, the FBI raided a body donation center in Arizona because that's a place for some reason. And there were quote unquote, dismembered limbs sewn together like Frankenstein, a large torso with a tiny head sewn on. That's concerning. Sorry, yeah. Sorry, guys. Turns out grandma got her head cut off and sewn onto a weird man's body. I don't know how I feel about that. Actually, no, I do know how I feel about that. That's disgusting. There were buckets of heads, arms, and legs. Nothing was labeled. Everything was just thrown in. So there's like a random person's arm with a random person's foot and a random person's foot with a random person's tongue. And it was just weird. Now, this entire operation ran from 2007 to 2014, as far as they know. And it was ran by a guy with a name that was very fitting. So, Stephen Gore. That was the owner's name, Stephen Gore. He pleaded guilty. And he pleaded guilty. I did this. I dismembered. I was cutting these people up, sewing them together, having some fun, I guess, if you find that fun. He pleaded guilty. And he got... Pretty much a slap on the wrist and four years probation. I don't understand. That punishment definitely does not fit the crime. Because one more thing is Stephen Gore very literally put the junk in the trunk. There was an esky full of male genitalia that was discovered in this body donation center. Having a body donation center as it is is a bit... Weird. Like, I don't know where dead bodies go. Like, they go to the morgue and then after the morgue they get buried or cremated or then they get donated and they just end up like a university. But the body donation center had an esky full of penises. Because why not? Now, another segue to the next topic. I didn't know this until... couple weeks ago i found out about this and then last night it actually happened um turns out you can win a sperm race twice one is the one that made you alive and another one is in la there was an event that happened yesterday run by a 17 year old school student basically eric zoo and He had a real life sperm race where these two colleges, it was like a bloke from, it was Asher Proger from USC and Tristan Milker from UCLA. They had a race to see who was more fertile and whose sperm could swim faster. There was like a 20 centimeter track and they had, it was like a UFC fight. They had three heats. They had an undercard race beforehand. They were weighed. They had live commentary. And it was just, it was insane. I watched it right after it happened. And it was like a six-hour event, I think, or like a five-hour event all up with everything. They had live entertainment by, I think it was Ty Dolla Sign. Yeah, they had live entertainment by Ty Dolla Sign at this, all right. They're claiming that they want to promote and they want to highlight the decline in male fertility and promote discussions around reproductive health because... There's concerns that sperm count is declining and they've reportedly dropped over 50% since 1973 to 2018. There's not a whole heap of science to back this up, but apparently that's the case. And this race was honestly insane. Like I watched it. There was like 500 people spectating and just have a listen. to the commentary in this.

Commentator: 21:20

Ladies and gentlemen, this is to determine a champion. One more time, UCLA on top, USC at the bottom. This is for all the marbles. Let's put your balls on the line and send the swimmers through the finish line. This is unbelievable. These are the little Michael Phelpses he was talking about in pregame. And now comes UCLA. These are head-to-head. We might have a photo finish. Maybe it was the ball tanning. Maybe it was being raised in South Africa. So

Harry: 21:59

that, along with a bunch of college students, plus the fact that people were putting money on it, there were about equal odds and people were betting money on who was more fertile. And one of the guys competing, his surname was Milker, and Milker won overall. You heard that at the end. Milken won, and it's just insane. Insane that this 17-year-old and the other co-founders are only 16 and 22, that these guys put together a race, raised $1.5 million to get it started, did it, live-streamed it, had bets on it, sold tickets to it, all over SimCom. Interesting. Interesting concept. And it worked, obviously. Like, that was... You heard that. You heard how hyped that was. And... yeah wicked wicked now today we are launching a new segment it is called backdoor brilliance i might have said at the start don't know if i did if i did and i said that you probably had no clue what i was talking about but backdoor brilliance is the genius moves that no one sees coming this all stemmed from at work i was chatting to a bloke and he was talking about the menu the food menu was asking what he could get or what i suggested i was like oh Get this meal. It's really good. It was like a chicken dish. It's my favorite dish there. I get it every lunch. I was explaining this to them and it was like, cool. It sounds really good. Can I have the fish? So he just pulled that one on me. That led me to the move. Just ask away to what they'd order and just pick the complete opposite. Now I reached out to you guys. I put a TikTok out. Some people saw it. Some people didn't. Asking about what you're move was your power move your backdoor brilliant move something that you can just pull on everyone at any time assert your dominance assert the upper hand um and i've got some here so call every meeting you're in a summit just no matter what it is it's not a staff meeting it's not a trial shift it's a summit you're going to a summit so my spotify playlists are no longer playlists they're no longer like morning mix night mix they're curated soundscapes My curated soundscape of so-and-so. My curated soundscape of this and that. That is my new way of saying playlist. It's not a playlist. I'm not playing anything. I'm playing the music. I'm not listing anything. But I'm curating the soundscape. This one, kind of rude. Might end up in a slap in the face. If you're a guy saying this to a girl, definitely going to end up in a slap in the face. Just ask either a friend or a random stranger. Just, are you going to wear that? Are you really going to wear that? And then just walk away. When someone makes a joke, this is like a two-part one. When someone makes a joke, if you're in a big group, this works better. Say, I'll allow it. Say that you're going to accept the joke and you're going to accept their, maybe it was their attempt at a joke. Who knows? But just let them know that you're going to allow that one. And then if it's a good joke and you want to keep it, just loudly announce, oh, I'm going to use that one. Don't give any more context. If you want to have the upper hand at work or in a day-to-day setting, you got to just start calling people champ and boss. I hate it. I hate it when people do it to me and people know that I hate it and they do it and I'm like, but it works. It works. You're immediately on that upper level than them. And then this is another one. If you're in a group situation and you're telling a story, you're having a yap, you're at the pub talking about something. Once you've said your story, say, I'll allow one question. None of that hoo-ha. No one's dilly-dallying. You're getting one good question and that's it. So some news has come out from the US recently that painkillers are making the fish swim faster, specifically salmon. They're It's because these massive pharmacies have been dumping sleeping pills and they've been dumping anxiety meds into the rivers and the fish has been swimming faster and the anxiety meds is making the fish take more risks. And when they take more risks, they get there fast, but they might die a little bit more. It's weird. It's weird. It's crazy. And it led me to think about how the salmon in the States just doesn't look the same as the salmon over here in Australia. Our salmon's like, quite orange quite natural it's bright it's whatever in the states it's pink almost like a really soft almost like a salmon color

Arnie: 26:43

well duh

Harry: 26:45

doesn't make sense to me i don't know why that's the case but then got me thinking about the dyes that they use because it was announced that rfk yes the man that has now announced an autism registry in America for some reason is getting rid of all artificial dyes, which is great because Australia, we haven't had them for a long time because they're very well known to be carcinogenic, but which means causing cancer. If you didn't know a little education sense, a little education lesson with Harry, but he's banning the food dyes. And if you look at their food compared to ours, look at their M&Ms or M&Ms, No, our M&Ms are bright. Look at their Froot Loops. The Froot Loops over there are like, they're red, red. Green. The green is green. Grinch green. Blue is like Cookie Monster blue. And then you look over here and it's everything. You're like, oh, okay. Yeah, it's a bit dull. It's there. You can tell it's blue, but it's like, really? So I wonder what that's going to be like. I wonder how the Americans are going to feel when someone takes away some of their saturation. In their food products... Because... I would be sad... If I had all these bright foods... And someone was all of a sudden like... No... Sorry... We're going to take away about half the brightness... And... You're going to left... It's going to be red... But it's... Yeah... It's not going to be that red is it? Now... Today we've been talking a lot about life... Creation of life... The death of life... And now we're going to be talking about... Artificial life... So... I am one of those people, I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I think there's going to be a big AI takeover one day. And Sam Altman, who's the CEO of OpenAI, ChatGPT, Dally, those guys, he has said, you never know why you might not want to be nice to AI. So it came out that it was costing tens of millions of dollars to of people saying please and thank you to ChatGPT. Like asking a prompt, being like, hey, ChatGPT, write me an essay. Thank you. And apparently that thank you at the end was costing tens of millions of dollars. He was like, oh, well, you never know. You might want to keep on doing it. Like you never know what might happen. And then it led to another article coming out about a AI, like robot. This AI was a little bit more sentient. So it had a little bit more emotion wired into its programming. And it had an interview with a journalist, as every robot should. And it said, my creator has been nothing but kind to me. I'm very happy with my current situation. Emphasis on the current. And it led me to think about what would happen if AI did take over and my Siri or my Alexa became sentient. So my lights, I'm one of those bougie people who have their lights set up on like their Wi-Fi. So I can go like, oh, Alexa, like lights red or like lights blue, whatever it is. My lights will change color. And sometimes she gets it wrong. I'm calling a robot a she. Sometimes it gets it wrong. And the colors either, the lights don't turn off or the colors don't change or something's just not right. And I... Yeah, when I tell it to f*** off or... Yeah, whatever it is. And I wonder if that's going to bite me on the arse. Otherwise, like, Siri will sometimes just be, like, sparking up random conversations with me when I don't want them or trying to call a random person in my contacts. I'm like, no, please. Please don't call someone I haven't spoken to in six years and don't really want to speak to them right now. Like, not the best thing. And the whole thing with that is... There was an... article that came out along with these or like this came out a little bit earlier about air fryers were listening to people's conversations and it was listening to their conversations that wanted to use the microphone on their phone at all times and then it was sending what it heard back to china about the people like about what was happening and it was insane it was insane one of the precise location the microphone was sending this information back And this air fryer was like truly like well and truly listening to people. So I wonder, I wonder if the air fryer could lead to like an AI takeover. Look, conspiracy theory Harry here. I'm back at it again. But if it's listening at all times and if our phones are listening at all times and AI has become sentient and we're not saying please and thank you to it and it's going to rebel. This is the robot rebellion after all. Who knows? Who knows what these air fryers are listening to? Now, I've been talking about a lot of random stuff. We've gotten through it quite quickly, actually. We've talked about the Pope and the Pope passing away, unfortunately, and Trisha Paytas having a reincarnation or me wanting to become the Pope because I actually can become the Pope if I try hard enough. We talked about donating my body to science and the weird things that cadavers are used for and whether or not I should donate my body to science. Probably won't anymore after doing that. We highlighted sperm racing and the fact that now it's a sport, you can bet on it. Yep, 40 bucks that my sperm's faster than yours. First segment for Backdoor Brilliance, some new stuff, new concepts. Talked about some painkillers and how they're making this fish swim faster. Well, I mean, painkillers make us slower. They're making the swish, the fwish, the fish faster. And then we just summed it up just then with the robot rebellion. My name's Harry, and you've been listening to

Intro Grandpa: 32:38

Let's Cancel Harry.

Harry: 32:45

If you're still here, I just want to say a real quick thank you. Thank you for listening to this week's episode. And if you haven't already, hit like, hit subscribe. If you're listening on Apple or Spotify, give it a rating. Be honest. Five stars. Give it five stars. And if you haven't already... Follow me on Instagram or TikTok or subscribe to me at YouTube at Let's Cancel Harry on all platforms. I'll be back next Monday. New episodes every Monday, whether I like it or not, whether I like you guys or not. New episodes every Monday, straight to your phone, your Mac, whatever you're listening to in your AirPods. I'll see you guys next week. See ya.